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Walking Alone

from Aporia by Eudaimonia

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about

More than ever I feel so alone and oppressed by my own mind. The worst part is, I'll never be completely free of it. Paranoid, anxious, and scared, I hate, hate, hate being alone. But the fact of the matter is, I always will be.

lyrics

Walking alone

Is mostly metaphorical but can also be surprisingly literal
When the blank day is filled with errands and my mind a dull loneliness
And the paranoia sinks in and steeps the chaotic waters of an otherwise
Serene mindscape and ripples across the surface of every pristine insecurity I’ve
Polished time and time again, set up and displayed like art on a mantelpiece
For myself and other visitors to admire or gawk at, depending on sobriety

In this internal heat and external chill I am neither microscope or telescope
More like the lens on your glasses, perched and constantly observing
Taking in data but not necessarily comprehending it
There comes a point when everything is not white noise or black silence
Because growing up means realizing a black and white view of the world
Is overly simplistic and immature, and that grey areas are everywhere
Even in your own body

I don’t mind walking alone if it means I get the scenery to myself
Whether that’s the hellscape of my subconscious or Torontonian lawns
But more often than not I share the tidal waves and sediment pools with knives
And pocket change, one to reassure me of impending doom and the other to
remind me of the mediocrity of my genius
After all, what’s introspection without anxiety and that gnawing reminder of
Total and utter isolation? Your eyes are a lighthouse and they shine
Right into my retina, obscuring me but not deterring me
I am walking alone and it is mostly literal

credits

from Aporia, released June 16, 2017

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Eudaimonia

Anarchist Nature Noise // sub specie aeternitatis // under the aspect of eternity

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